Just love yourself is a finish line, not a first step

Just love yourself is a finish line, not a first step.

Drink more water. Get some sun. Love yourself.

Sure. Right after I clean out the drawer with all the cables in it.

It's on mugs and in comments. A friend sends it in a text and means well. It gets said like a tip, something you try once and move on from.

I think the trouble is that it names where you're supposed to end up and skips how anyone gets there.

Think about how you came to love a person. Nobody told you to. You spent time around them. You noticed things. You saw them on a bad day and stuck around, and it built up slowly, some of it boring. That kind of love takes time and attention. "Just love yourself" asks for the feeling and leaves out the time. Nobody could hand you that in a few words.

Then there's the word "just." Just means easy. If it were easy, you'd have done it by now. So when you don't love yourself and someone tells you to, you walk away with a second problem. The first is how you feel about yourself. The second is that you can't order that to change, and that can feel like one more thing you're bad at.

It also tends to end the conversation. You say you feel awful about yourself, and three words come back. Nobody asks what it's like, or when it started. You said something true and got a slogan.

People say to try it at the mirror. You can. If you stand there and nothing happens, that's the method failing.

The person saying it probably means be kinder to yourself. That's a fair wish, and I'm not arguing with the kindness. A wish isn't a step, though, and the line hands it over like it is one.

I'd start with something smaller than love. Something you can do without feeling a thing. Drink the water. Eat lunch. Answer one text. None of that is love. It's closer to showing up for the day, and you can do it on a day when the mirror gets nothing from you.

I don't know a sentence that makes love come, and I don't think there is one. If there were, the mug would have fixed everybody by now.

If this is familiar, write me. We can set a free consultation so I can answer your questions.