You didn't have to know them for the news to land

I never even met them.

You see that sentence under a lot of posts when a stranger dies. It goes in a comment, in a text to a friend, or just in your head while you hold the phone. I never met them, so why does it hurt like this.

It's allowed. You didn't have to know them for the news to land.

A headline about a suicide is short. It says what happened and it stops. I don't know the reason, and a few lines of news can't give it to me. I'd rather say so than hand you a reason that only sounds right, just so there's something to say.

Then the comments start. Somebody has a theory. Somebody says they saw it coming, and someone else says they never would have guessed. I get why people do it. A gap in a story is uncomfortable, so they fill it. I'm not going to. I don't know why, and a stranger's guess in a comment box doesn't change that.

Here's my opinion. The guessing doesn't do anything for the person who died. It doesn't do much for you either. When you close the app, the feeling is still there.

I'd look at what the news touched. Maybe it's plain sadness for someone and for the people who loved them. Maybe it's closer to home: a person you've been worried about, or something of your own you haven't said out loud. You don't have to sort out which one it is before you do anything.

What I'd do is smaller than a theory. Text the person you've been thinking about. It doesn't need to be a speech. "Been thinking about you. How are you really?" is enough to open the door. If the person you're worried about is you, say the real answer to one real person, even if it comes out in a few words.

I'd use the plain word, too. Suicide. It's the word in the headline. If you wonder whether a friend is thinking about it, a plain question is easier to answer than a polite one that circles around it.

If this is more than sadness for a stranger, and you're thinking about ending your life, call 988 or go to an emergency room. Don't wait for a better hour.

If this is familiar, write me. We can set a free consultation so I can answer your questions.